x'mas.

christmas in japan is strange...to say the least. it is clearly celebrated, as trees are up and decorations cover stores at the beginning of november; christmas music is in every store, and most restaurants, but it is almost purely consumerist. the closest american holiday is probably valentine's day: created by the stores to sell more things, and serves the purpose of an excuse for lovers to give each other gifts. therefore, being basically alone for x'mas in japan could be rather depressing. in fact i was expecting the crappiest christmas ever. BUT after a good day hanging out with my friend/tutor, yuji, a couple really good phone calls, and an awesome plan for my substitute christmas (on christmas eve) i think it's going to be alright. today i looked at christmas lights, bought myself presents, and drank chai. tomorrow i will watch die hard, die harder and die hard with a vengeance and anything else i feel like, and eat loads of hotcakes and mellow all day long. of course i will also open the gifts that managed to get here in time.

good weekends change lives, or at least perspectives.

i've been down. i have not been happy. a lonely sad christmas awaits me. self-pity is not my friend. this last weekend? she was my friend. so this past weekend i got incredibly drunk and watched buffy talked to nihonjin visited friends went to the symphony ate yummy food and caught up with special people.



friday night was my bonenkai. this in itself was rather amazing. i caught the bus from hiroshima eki, with all the other teachers, to a posh restaurant/onsen that was famous for its garden. the bus was quiet and uncomfortable. the food was traditional japanese fair, delicious, the beer kept flowing and the seats were assigned by hello kitty. i was at the saru (monkey table). there were boring speeches, but then the real fun began with a group of teachers and staff coming out in reindeer and santa costumes to perform a dance to S.M.A.P. (i assume cause that seems to be the only thing older people in japan know about j-pop). so hilarious. and then there was bingo, and i won stuff, and more beer. and theen there was an awesome quiz game between the tables. this is where it got interesting and the high-fiving began. my table won, with little to no help from me--although i did know some of the answers. the gift was lame, but victory was sweet.

the next day i woke early and trained it out to tadanoumi, with the happy surprise of running into kate (from pdx) and natalie at the mihara station. we chatted and then split from kate at tadanoumi. nats and i wandered over to the posh (i use posh again b/c it's nats' word and now it's stuck in my vocabulary) italian. i had delicious four cheese pizza and we split an amazing cake. the whole time we both admired the beautiful raining day, looking out onto the inland sea from the classy modern italian joint. next stop was fukuyama, where we randomly ran into some JETs, including the other kate and her boy mitch. so exciting to finally meet him. nats and i then got starbucks, choco cro, and pikura (photo stickers that always turn out embarrassing). then we headed to josh's with kate and mitch, refreshed from their 'nap', and promptly got lost only to be found by crystal.



the night got rather rambunctious with tastey josh made chicken, and white cheddar cheese that out-shined the chicken just a tad. plus all the booze, good crowd and the opportunity for me to practice my japanese. the night, for me, ended ten minutes into the first episode of buffy as i passed out on my folded out chair. waking in the morning i was confused by the appearance of a futon and nats in pjs. haven't slept that solid in a while.

nats and i then hung-overly made our way to the concert the miyoshi's were attending. the miyoshi's being a very nice couple that befriended nats. mr. miyoshi being a retired dentist, i couldn't help but think of my grandfather. the music was fun, including introductions of the instruments, two kids conducting (the boy being rather aggressive, the girl being quite bored) and a monster in the back of the auditorium snoring. either that or a rabid dog. then finally we had B.L.T.s at a nummy takehara cafe and i caught the bus back to hiroshima feeling brighter and happier.

my new goal is to jump on the train and get off at random interesting looking places.

the reality.

i hate that my 11pm is portland's 6am. or that my 5pm is portland's 12am. the times that i crave conversation that is simple and what i need it isn't going to happen.

today, for example.

i woke up late, late being 7am instead of 6 or 6:30. i slowly pushed myself out of bed, helped by listening to the live broadcast of opb radio (travel with rick steves). i folded up my futon, half the bedding going in my closet, the other being stacked into the form of a couch. i turned on the heater, decided on cold cereal for breakfast, and then pulled out my clothes. i finally decided that it was cold enough for leggings under my pants, slipped those on along with an under shirt, my new turtle neck and a sweater. i munched my breakfast, including nearly gone grapes, and checked my e-mail and all other forms of communication. after stalling for as long as possible, i dawned my coat, scarf, hat and gloves and headed out into the cold. nearing the bottom of my hill i opted for the bus rather than tormenting my nearly frozen fingers with a twenty minute push of my bike up my tedious 'mountain'. the bus was of course over crowded with students. those of us waiting at the stop smashed ourselves in, my glasses fogging up, greeting the warmth of seventy-five closely packed bodies. i noticed we had left one boy behind, forced to wait for the next bus. coming onto school grounds i am greeted by those instructors that are there to monitor school uniforms. they happily pause to say 'ohio gozaimasu' to me, then return to their task of judging skirt lengths and loose ties. after changing into my indoor shoes, which now take the form of my closed toe berkies, i am stopped by one of the sweet front office girls. she drags me into the office and in broken english and japanese asks me to pose as santa and write a to her six year old son (she wants it in english since santa is american). i cheerfully obliged, asking her first to write what she wants in japanese so i can know what to say. next stop is of course stamping my hanko on the teacher registrar books, but on the way i remember to buy a strawberry mochi as they will be gone in moments. this is by far my favorite mochi. decadent to an extreme. after the four story march up the outdoor staircase, in my office i am greeted by warm air. the constant shivering days of the past weeks have ended, and the school has decided to pay for kerosine to fuel out dangerous looking stove. this is extremely important to me today as i knew that i had no classes. my day would spent at my desk. and because of this fact what i was paid for was taking an hour nap, checking my e-mail, catching up on the anarchism wikipeida entry i had started before, grading about five papers, eating lunch, snacks, reading my newly started book (you shall know our velocity) and finally writing this blog. beyond these tasks i was called by funatsu-san to confirm the change of location of my december 26th obligation, as well as a trip to the post office to change the pick up of my package to the high school and buy boxes for shipping christmas gifts home. this evening i will leave school at 4pm, fifteen minutes early per-usual, and stop at the grocery store for the week's food. i have an appointment with the mormons at 6pm, which i will have to trek out into the cold again for. and hopefully i'll finally get things organized as far as gifts go.

this is my life, in case you wanted to know.

transitions.

things are changing ever so subtly. i'm starting to feel comfortable here in hiroshima. going downtown i don't get lost, i know where the things are that i need. i feel confident enough to find the things that are new and i've heard about, that i want to see. beyond that i feel at ease. i am to the point where i know how things work and i'm in my routine. i applied to go to japan because it was the thing that was in my plan. once i got admitted i saw it as an opportunity to figure myself out and be single and solidify the person that i want to be; to be away from everything that makes my life easy and feel safe. now i am feeling safe here but i am also feeling that i am able to do the things that i wanted to do here. i am happy that i am not going home for christmas because i need to miss at least one in my life, and because not making that trip it is easier for me to reaffirm my pseudo decision to only stay here for a year. as much as i am feeling more comfortable here, and thereby more distant from everything back home, i really know that everything will be that much better when i finally am home.