september 26th
i have gone from really short hair to shoulder length locks ever since my eighth grade year in junior high. it took me two tries, but i went from the long curly-ish hair of my childhood to the short spunky pixie cut that i still love now during that fateful last year before high school. since i've embarrassed short hair, i've had at least two friends cut their hair like mine because they liked the way it looked. i've also had other people tell me later, that they only cut their hair short because of the way mine looked. of course, this is quite the ego boost for a nerdy high schooler and an even odder college student, but it has now crossed that line. that line that tells me that i should blatantly ignore anyone (including my dear brother) who tells me i should have long hair. okay yeah, every once in a while i crave those cute braids that i wore every day when my hair was long enough for them, but come on, when a japanese high school girl cuts her hair to look like your short pseudo faux-hawk it's time to admit short hair is the way to go. don't get me wrong, looking at it on her it's a cute cut. but i feel that when this is a repeated occurrence, it's not just about the cut. it might have a little to do with the hair on my head. and to turn the focus away from my glorious, abundant hair (this is an ironic statement now, as my hair is nearly all 10mm long at the moment), and say that this girl has balls. the kind of balls that guys only wish they could have. you rock, haruna.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
flashback!
september 26th
high school, to me, will always best be remembered as incredibly late nights of sitting in the media cave going blind staring at my G4, occasionally taking tongue exercise breaks with my boyfriend. i was an a/v geek, but not really cause we were only working on a very specific project. i, we, made THSTV (tigard high school television). this was mostly comprised of filming the antics of the hilarious matt and nathan (both of whom i was totally crushing on at one point or another, if only for the way they made me laugh). 'we' consisted of a couple more crushes of mine, a couple ex's (yeah, i don't know how to keep personal life and work separate), and some other people who didn't do a lot of work. my late nights were spent editing the final product into a cohesive whole. sometimes this meant cutting together every last moment of film that had to be aired the next day (hence me being at school till two in the morning, on occasion), but sometimes this just meant putting together the segments and intros in the right order--i made it out of school only a few hours late on those nights. now, i didn't find this home till the last two years of high school, but ever since then i have been vying to get back into that hole of an editing lab. this is important to me at the moment because i relived these moments today. at my base high school there are many clubs that meet before and after school. they stay way too late and get there way too early. i could not imagine doing this in high school, when motivation is at its lowest for american students, until i of course remembered not only my early mornings going to symphony practice but my late nights and occasional weekends put in for THSTV. so i felt a little kindred spirit with those students who were putting in the extra hours, although i was never as much as an over achiever as these psycho kids. then today, the ESS club finally met and asked me to check their pronunciation for their school video, and there i was. i was back in high school, 15-16, awkward and dying to get my hands on their editing project (even if it was on imovie). of course, my better judgement said, 'i'm the teacher. i'm supposed to assist, not do'. so i sat back and watched. it was crazy. the same tiny, smelly awkward cave of a room (although i could see the setting sun from theirs). the same dedicated bossy girl (that would have been ME) and the same support staff who just did what they were told because they knew better than to try to get too involved--a little selfish, yes, but damn it looked like a good finished product. this was the first night i stayed late, all the way till seven; and there were some desperate moments when dehydration and starvation began to creep up on me, when i was tempted to skip out, but i stayed. i stayed and tried to help them work their way through the english they had written themselves. i watched as 'leo' put everything together on their emac and controlled the recording of their narration. i chatted with the cutest girl as of yet, who got all genki and excited about harry potter and 'mr. allen rickman'. i tired to explain the absence of a subject in one sentence, asking the higher level english speaker to help out. and yes, i did rush out once the last girl finished her recording, after reading through it twenty times and recording about six different takes. but she was so sweet, and was trying so hard, that it just made me smile. these english club(/broadcasting club) girls remind me of me. they remind me of high school and everything i loved about it. but they are also very much japanese high school students: hard working and demanding perfection. the one difference i saw, from the other students whom i've worked with, was that they were not overly impressed with me. oh they appreciated my help, they asked me where i was from, but they did not take me at face value. i don't think they would have blindly followed if i told them that they should adjust their project one way or the other. for that i was truly proud to help them out on their video.
high school, to me, will always best be remembered as incredibly late nights of sitting in the media cave going blind staring at my G4, occasionally taking tongue exercise breaks with my boyfriend. i was an a/v geek, but not really cause we were only working on a very specific project. i, we, made THSTV (tigard high school television). this was mostly comprised of filming the antics of the hilarious matt and nathan (both of whom i was totally crushing on at one point or another, if only for the way they made me laugh). 'we' consisted of a couple more crushes of mine, a couple ex's (yeah, i don't know how to keep personal life and work separate), and some other people who didn't do a lot of work. my late nights were spent editing the final product into a cohesive whole. sometimes this meant cutting together every last moment of film that had to be aired the next day (hence me being at school till two in the morning, on occasion), but sometimes this just meant putting together the segments and intros in the right order--i made it out of school only a few hours late on those nights. now, i didn't find this home till the last two years of high school, but ever since then i have been vying to get back into that hole of an editing lab. this is important to me at the moment because i relived these moments today. at my base high school there are many clubs that meet before and after school. they stay way too late and get there way too early. i could not imagine doing this in high school, when motivation is at its lowest for american students, until i of course remembered not only my early mornings going to symphony practice but my late nights and occasional weekends put in for THSTV. so i felt a little kindred spirit with those students who were putting in the extra hours, although i was never as much as an over achiever as these psycho kids. then today, the ESS club finally met and asked me to check their pronunciation for their school video, and there i was. i was back in high school, 15-16, awkward and dying to get my hands on their editing project (even if it was on imovie). of course, my better judgement said, 'i'm the teacher. i'm supposed to assist, not do'. so i sat back and watched. it was crazy. the same tiny, smelly awkward cave of a room (although i could see the setting sun from theirs). the same dedicated bossy girl (that would have been ME) and the same support staff who just did what they were told because they knew better than to try to get too involved--a little selfish, yes, but damn it looked like a good finished product. this was the first night i stayed late, all the way till seven; and there were some desperate moments when dehydration and starvation began to creep up on me, when i was tempted to skip out, but i stayed. i stayed and tried to help them work their way through the english they had written themselves. i watched as 'leo' put everything together on their emac and controlled the recording of their narration. i chatted with the cutest girl as of yet, who got all genki and excited about harry potter and 'mr. allen rickman'. i tired to explain the absence of a subject in one sentence, asking the higher level english speaker to help out. and yes, i did rush out once the last girl finished her recording, after reading through it twenty times and recording about six different takes. but she was so sweet, and was trying so hard, that it just made me smile. these english club(/broadcasting club) girls remind me of me. they remind me of high school and everything i loved about it. but they are also very much japanese high school students: hard working and demanding perfection. the one difference i saw, from the other students whom i've worked with, was that they were not overly impressed with me. oh they appreciated my help, they asked me where i was from, but they did not take me at face value. i don't think they would have blindly followed if i told them that they should adjust their project one way or the other. for that i was truly proud to help them out on their video.
forty six days.
september 21st
i checked my counter today. i've been in japan for forty six days. this seems like a significant number. somewhat comparable to what it actually feels like. but then again 46 days seems like a lot, longer than i've actually been here. forty six days is the longest i've been out of portland city limits. it is the longest i've gone without breathing in fresh oregon air. forty six days is the longest i've been without eating my mom's homemade bread. and i wouldn't be surprised if it's the longest i've been without papa murphy's pizza. and you know how i know 46 days IS a long time? i am finally enjoying the last mercury i picked up, the date of the 'one day of a time' that i am partaking in is 'july 25'. 'july 25'!! do you know how many days of celebrity mocking i have missed? i could do the math...but basically close to forty six days worth. shit.
i checked my counter today. i've been in japan for forty six days. this seems like a significant number. somewhat comparable to what it actually feels like. but then again 46 days seems like a lot, longer than i've actually been here. forty six days is the longest i've been out of portland city limits. it is the longest i've gone without breathing in fresh oregon air. forty six days is the longest i've been without eating my mom's homemade bread. and i wouldn't be surprised if it's the longest i've been without papa murphy's pizza. and you know how i know 46 days IS a long time? i am finally enjoying the last mercury i picked up, the date of the 'one day of a time' that i am partaking in is 'july 25'. 'july 25'!! do you know how many days of celebrity mocking i have missed? i could do the math...but basically close to forty six days worth. shit.
either something is wrong with me or i should have listened to my first grade self.
september 15th
in one of my classes, where i'm STILL doing self-introduction lessons, a student asked me what i wanted to be be when i was small. translation: when i was little, what did i want to be when i grew up? i found this interesting because this is something i find rather comical about myself, or rather is a funny anecdote my mother likes to tell. my brother and i were readers from early in elementary school. i include my brother in this statement because i was only allowed to check out non-picture books in first and second grade because my brother, before me, was smart and could handle them(--my first memory of living in my brother's shadow during my k-12 ). so from a young age i liked to read, and i liked to write. not to brag or anything, but i've read the stuff i wrote in first grade and it's not half bad (for a first grader...). i actually have a vivid memory (well, maybe memory, it could just be a reinforced story) of saying that WHen I GRew i wanted to be a writer. this was something i really really enjoyed doing throughout elementary school, but lost sight of as i grew older. being the accommodating child that i was (and still am) along with being indecisive (yeah, i'm still that, too) i could not simply say i wanted to be a writer when i grew up. i said i wanted to be a ballerina, astronaut, dentist, writer. 'ballerina' because i took ballet and i guess i understood that this was something that should be important to me, even though i was the klutz of the class. 'astronaut' because space is cool, i made my own space control board in 2nd grade, and my big bro liked space. that and you can't dream much bigger than wanting to be an astronaut. and finally i had to include 'dentist' because my grandpa was a dentist--family loyalty runs deep in them here bones. and then there was the writer in me. looking back on this story, writer was the first thing to be dropped. oh, i think i still wanted to be a writer, but the story would go i wanted to be a 'dancing-dentist-astronaut' not a 'dancing-dentist-astronaut' who wrote about her adventures. now the point of the story is that here, on JET--in my first month--, i have started writing a lot. this is partly due to the need to stave off insanity and hold onto some of my ability to communicate correctly in english, but it is also linked to the fact that i really like writing. of course, i have been writing papers and school assignments for as long as i can remember, so not having these to keep me busy it only makes sense that i would start writing, if only out of habit. but i am enjoying writing for my own pleasure, and looking back at my college papers, i did actually enjoy writing quite a few of those. (<--freak). so perhaps i should have held onto that first grade dream of being a writer. maybe i would have been a creative writing major, maybe i would have gone to reed (as my childhood idol did), maybe i would be writing a book right now instead of blogging about my lost career, or just maybe, i don't have anyone to talk to and blather about my day's events to so i am typing profusely in a lonely-motivated attempt to pretend i'm still talking to my friends at home. yeah...it's probably that last one.
in one of my classes, where i'm STILL doing self-introduction lessons, a student asked me what i wanted to be be when i was small. translation: when i was little, what did i want to be when i grew up? i found this interesting because this is something i find rather comical about myself, or rather is a funny anecdote my mother likes to tell. my brother and i were readers from early in elementary school. i include my brother in this statement because i was only allowed to check out non-picture books in first and second grade because my brother, before me, was smart and could handle them(--my first memory of living in my brother's shadow during my k-12 ). so from a young age i liked to read, and i liked to write. not to brag or anything, but i've read the stuff i wrote in first grade and it's not half bad (for a first grader...). i actually have a vivid memory (well, maybe memory, it could just be a reinforced story) of saying that WHen I GRew i wanted to be a writer. this was something i really really enjoyed doing throughout elementary school, but lost sight of as i grew older. being the accommodating child that i was (and still am) along with being indecisive (yeah, i'm still that, too) i could not simply say i wanted to be a writer when i grew up. i said i wanted to be a ballerina, astronaut, dentist, writer. 'ballerina' because i took ballet and i guess i understood that this was something that should be important to me, even though i was the klutz of the class. 'astronaut' because space is cool, i made my own space control board in 2nd grade, and my big bro liked space. that and you can't dream much bigger than wanting to be an astronaut. and finally i had to include 'dentist' because my grandpa was a dentist--family loyalty runs deep in them here bones. and then there was the writer in me. looking back on this story, writer was the first thing to be dropped. oh, i think i still wanted to be a writer, but the story would go i wanted to be a 'dancing-dentist-astronaut' not a 'dancing-dentist-astronaut' who wrote about her adventures. now the point of the story is that here, on JET--in my first month--, i have started writing a lot. this is partly due to the need to stave off insanity and hold onto some of my ability to communicate correctly in english, but it is also linked to the fact that i really like writing. of course, i have been writing papers and school assignments for as long as i can remember, so not having these to keep me busy it only makes sense that i would start writing, if only out of habit. but i am enjoying writing for my own pleasure, and looking back at my college papers, i did actually enjoy writing quite a few of those. (<--freak). so perhaps i should have held onto that first grade dream of being a writer. maybe i would have been a creative writing major, maybe i would have gone to reed (as my childhood idol did), maybe i would be writing a book right now instead of blogging about my lost career, or just maybe, i don't have anyone to talk to and blather about my day's events to so i am typing profusely in a lonely-motivated attempt to pretend i'm still talking to my friends at home. yeah...it's probably that last one.
yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.
september 4th
yesterday i had no internet (being at my second school) and i had no phone ('cause i forgot it for the SEcond time). i was a little disconnected.
so my second day, at my second school, went much better than the first. the kids actually paid attention (with a little near yelling from me to prompt them to do so), and i met with two girls who are very interested in going to college. because it's a mid-level high school most of the kids will not be attending college, so those that do want to are special. with one girl i was the 'interviewer' for her entrance into the university in saijo. the other girl is interested in studying abroad in america. (well so is the first girl, but she knows she wants to go through saijo u.). it was fun to actually correct english (for the first girl) with content in mind. i felt like i was actually doing something useful. with the second girl i gave her the web sites of the universities in oregon and my e-mail address. when i got to school this morning i had gotten an e-mail from her. aww. so cute! she wants to exchange e-mails and offered to help me with my japanese.. i e-mailed her back and gave her a link to the IELP at portland state and said yes to the e-mail exchange! i told her to e-mail me a couple times a week about what she is up to and said i'd try to do the same in 日本語. i'm totally psyched to have some place to practice my japanese now.
yesterday i had no internet (being at my second school) and i had no phone ('cause i forgot it for the SEcond time). i was a little disconnected.
so my second day, at my second school, went much better than the first. the kids actually paid attention (with a little near yelling from me to prompt them to do so), and i met with two girls who are very interested in going to college. because it's a mid-level high school most of the kids will not be attending college, so those that do want to are special. with one girl i was the 'interviewer' for her entrance into the university in saijo. the other girl is interested in studying abroad in america. (well so is the first girl, but she knows she wants to go through saijo u.). it was fun to actually correct english (for the first girl) with content in mind. i felt like i was actually doing something useful. with the second girl i gave her the web sites of the universities in oregon and my e-mail address. when i got to school this morning i had gotten an e-mail from her. aww. so cute! she wants to exchange e-mails and offered to help me with my japanese.. i e-mailed her back and gave her a link to the IELP at portland state and said yes to the e-mail exchange! i told her to e-mail me a couple times a week about what she is up to and said i'd try to do the same in 日本語. i'm totally psyched to have some place to practice my japanese now.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
it's a different world.
september 12th--later that day...
so it's been a really frustrating last couple of days. everything is making me think of home and the people i left behind. i'd kill for a massive portland hug right now. don't get me wrong, i'm still enjoying japan. i think i have a huge advantage over some of the other gaijin because i really love japanese food (和食--washoku). going out with other JETs, i have not eaten this much italian food in my life, and i have no, absolutely no cravings for food form home. i even discovered that chai exists here, if rather inconveniently located. but those simple thigns from home--mcmineman's ruby, biking over the hawthorn, having crappy food and cheap drinks at jax, laying under the trees in my 'front yard' on campus, going to magic gardens on a weeknight, visiting great harvest after work--that are making me reach out over the pacific and cling to my portland. today every moment stretched out till i didn't think i could stand it any longer. i finally got a package from home (i assume) but they didn't put it in my box because the postman thought i wasn't actually living here. tomorrow it should magically appear in my box, but it was just one more disappointment. the school day was incredibly painful as i had to act all genki (happy/hyper) for my self-intro lessons, and all i want to do is sob on katie and elena's shoulders. to make matters just a little worse, it decided to rain just as it was time for me to bike home. of course, normally i would just ride home in the rain, enjoy the cool wet air, but my hill...it's a little much for my breaks when the pavement is dry. going down in the rain would just be asking for death. THis is where my day, my week, began to turn. yamagouchi-sensei asked takeuchi-sensei (one of the part time female teachers) if she would give me a ride home. i felt like a fool worrying about the rain, but it turned out really good. dogishi-sensei, the other part-time female teacher who's next to my desk, also was catching a ride, so the three of us had some away from schoo. they suggested we go to molly malones (the irish-gaijin haven-pub) sometime. so awesome. i had them drop me off at my grocery store. now i was planning to try to get all my things bought that i needed to at fuji grand and the hyaku-en shop in the other part of town, but now i couldn't. this meant i actually took the time to explore my supermarket. around each corner i kept finding something new, and perfect, that i didn't know how much i really wanted. there was honey--mmm, honey...--, darlingly tea, extra virgin olive oil, vinegar, garlic, eggplant, onion--ooh, onion--and mushrooms. i just felt soo much better. i went home, put my new finds away, and headed to juntendo (my 'do it your self' store that is really incredibly close to my apartment). there, again not in a rush to go someplace else, i had the time to actually look around. i found a japanese-size laundry basket, hangers, a good fry pan (for 980yen), a teapot!, a knife and cutting board, and a full length mirror. i went home, reorganized, put things away, and took out my mirror. you know i haven't really seen myself since i've been in japan? definitely since i've been in hiroshima. it's so weird how seeing yourself in the mirror is comforting. 'hey, look, i still exist!'. so basically life seems a little brighter, even if it's for simple reasons, like cooking my own dinner. a year doesn't seem impossible for the moment, whether it will be two years is still a mystery, but at least the rest of the week looks a little more feasible.
so it's been a really frustrating last couple of days. everything is making me think of home and the people i left behind. i'd kill for a massive portland hug right now. don't get me wrong, i'm still enjoying japan. i think i have a huge advantage over some of the other gaijin because i really love japanese food (和食--washoku). going out with other JETs, i have not eaten this much italian food in my life, and i have no, absolutely no cravings for food form home. i even discovered that chai exists here, if rather inconveniently located. but those simple thigns from home--mcmineman's ruby, biking over the hawthorn, having crappy food and cheap drinks at jax, laying under the trees in my 'front yard' on campus, going to magic gardens on a weeknight, visiting great harvest after work--that are making me reach out over the pacific and cling to my portland. today every moment stretched out till i didn't think i could stand it any longer. i finally got a package from home (i assume) but they didn't put it in my box because the postman thought i wasn't actually living here. tomorrow it should magically appear in my box, but it was just one more disappointment. the school day was incredibly painful as i had to act all genki (happy/hyper) for my self-intro lessons, and all i want to do is sob on katie and elena's shoulders. to make matters just a little worse, it decided to rain just as it was time for me to bike home. of course, normally i would just ride home in the rain, enjoy the cool wet air, but my hill...it's a little much for my breaks when the pavement is dry. going down in the rain would just be asking for death. THis is where my day, my week, began to turn. yamagouchi-sensei asked takeuchi-sensei (one of the part time female teachers) if she would give me a ride home. i felt like a fool worrying about the rain, but it turned out really good. dogishi-sensei, the other part-time female teacher who's next to my desk, also was catching a ride, so the three of us had some away from schoo. they suggested we go to molly malones (the irish-gaijin haven-pub) sometime. so awesome. i had them drop me off at my grocery store. now i was planning to try to get all my things bought that i needed to at fuji grand and the hyaku-en shop in the other part of town, but now i couldn't. this meant i actually took the time to explore my supermarket. around each corner i kept finding something new, and perfect, that i didn't know how much i really wanted. there was honey--mmm, honey...--, darlingly tea, extra virgin olive oil, vinegar, garlic, eggplant, onion--ooh, onion--and mushrooms. i just felt soo much better. i went home, put my new finds away, and headed to juntendo (my 'do it your self' store that is really incredibly close to my apartment). there, again not in a rush to go someplace else, i had the time to actually look around. i found a japanese-size laundry basket, hangers, a good fry pan (for 980yen), a teapot!, a knife and cutting board, and a full length mirror. i went home, reorganized, put things away, and took out my mirror. you know i haven't really seen myself since i've been in japan? definitely since i've been in hiroshima. it's so weird how seeing yourself in the mirror is comforting. 'hey, look, i still exist!'. so basically life seems a little brighter, even if it's for simple reasons, like cooking my own dinner. a year doesn't seem impossible for the moment, whether it will be two years is still a mystery, but at least the rest of the week looks a little more feasible.
on the way to the forum, shit no, school. on the way to school today...
september 12th
there was this gawking kid. his mouth was agape, he looked like he was going to die of shock if something didn't break the tension. i smiled and said, 'ohaio gozaimasu' (good morning). he actually responded! 'ohaio gozaimasu. kyo wa ii tenki, ne?' (good morning, the weather is nice today, isn't it?) my gaijin response was, 'ii'. if only i'd added the ne, then it would have been perfect!
there was this gawking kid. his mouth was agape, he looked like he was going to die of shock if something didn't break the tension. i smiled and said, 'ohaio gozaimasu' (good morning). he actually responded! 'ohaio gozaimasu. kyo wa ii tenki, ne?' (good morning, the weather is nice today, isn't it?) my gaijin response was, 'ii'. if only i'd added the ne, then it would have been perfect!
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