so i'm sittin' on the bus, leaving kannbe, appreciating the fact that i have a laptop (thanks mom and dad) and listening to some nifty music (thanks sandi). kate and i just had an amazing weekend of gilmore girls, a beautiful onsen and too much chocolate...and a little spaced and crepes and hot cakes. the tension in my shoulders is almost gone; and i've nearly forgotten that i have to go to the horrible doctor's tomorrow, where i have no idea what will happen. this weekend was exactly what i needed. so non-productive we didn't even get to planning our trip to south korea, that's happening in three weeks. and i just passes a sign with a photo with what looked like two boys either about to kiss, or just finishing kissing. japan is a little confusing...
my mind has been on the question of how long am i going to stay in this beautiful country that can be realy frustrating and oxymoronic. my heart says that i need to go home to portland for my family and to continue the friendships that i made and solidified during my senior year. my mind says that all of that will be there if i stay for two years and that living in japan will not happen again. this is only once in a life time. and that if i want to do the traveling that i want to do, india, nepal, vietnam, cambodia, and possibly europe, there's no way if i only stay a year...and my heart kinda agrees with this last part of travel. to see the world in a lifetime is an immense task, and i have been given the head-start of a free ticket to asia. how the hell can i not use this for all it's worth. and the more i think along these lines i the more that i know i have to stay for two years. and the more i know that i have to stay for two years the more my heart breaks for what i am now missing in portland, which is of course is ridiculous, because shit, i'm in fucking japan! a country tha many americans, many of the people i know, will never get to. any pain and sadness that i feel is just payment for this opportunity. just thinking about it now i know this to be true. but then i go on to the thoughts of, why do i think i need to punish myself to experience life? why do i think i need to punish myself to find myself? but misery breeds strength, and strength breeds a happy and fulfilling life. i know i'm on the right path, i just sucks sometimes. and i have met some amazing people here. i am creating friendships that will be important, at some level or another for the rest of my life.
it will all come down to how much i desire to be in portland in february.
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