and they are doing so willingly.

i am currently reading 'white teeth', by zadie smith. this is the second book i've read by this author and i am enjoying it. smith writes excellent descriptions and complex stories that are difficult to predict. i'm writing about this now as one of the characters has reminded me a difference between men and women that i would like to comment on.

love is found in different places. this is of course not wholly consistent, and there are always exceptions, but it seems to me that women hold onto the men and boys of their past, boys who are their friends, with a light and ideal that may be false. these feelings often translate into crushes or love. women seek relationships with those who they are most comfortable with, who they have fond memories of, who they have created a mythology around. young and old men often seek relationships with those they find to be new, that are different or exciting. of course, in the end, many men do seek comfort with their choice of partners, but this nearly always feels like settling. our society, many societies, tell men to go after that sexy woman who will entice them and be a symbol of their power. women are taught to find someone who will care for them. realistically this is not always how it works, but these are the messages and ideals we are given.

in japan there is currently a difficultly for women: the new ideal. after years of aspiring towards big careers and big success, now they crave to become housewives. just saying this makes me want to puke. when america, and the other allies, wrote the japanese constitution the equal opportunities act was included. this prescribed that women could not be discriminated against in the workforce, not in wage scale or job position. this is something that still has not made it's way to america, despite some believing that it has, and did effect they way japanese women thought about themselves. post-WWII women were part of the goal for a boom in japan's economy. they aspired to be ball-crushing career women, along side their male counter parts. however this has changed. in recent years women now crave to be married. with this desire they give each other incredibly rude names if not married by 30; they have given up their power, their control of their lives.

looking at japan, as a whole, this is not surprising. although women have the power and the legal ability to be equals, society does not support this. women are not equals out of the work place, they are still expected to clean house, care for the children and be the perfect wife/'woman' (basically interchangeable). this even extends to the point where boyfriends will give keys to their girlfriends, not for convenience or intimacy, but so that the girlfriends can clean their apartments when they are out of town. women in japan are expected to be incredibly feminine, quaffed hair and perfect make-up match the ever present cute little heals. this physical ideal matches well with a 50s housewife life style, and is hard to maintain when you have to work 80 hour weeks and go to late night enkai's (work parties), passing by with all the men in total workload when you include the extra 'female responsibilities'. to give all this up, to stop working and make bento's for the kids, seems like a much easier life. and i guess it is an easier life, but it also a much more depressing life. women are relearning how to live through their husbands, to see coach and gucci bags as the ideal and how to dote over their children with all of their being. women are becoming servants, accessories to their husbands' lives, and they are doing so willingly.

however disgusting this is to me, i also know that it does fit in with japanese society. everyone is taught to desire to fit in, from day one. american individualism is a foreign concept, despite america pop-culture being such an important part of japanese life. being a cog is a perfect way to spend your life here, so for a woman to push (as she must) to stand out and rise in the ranks, to be part of the team, does not mesh. to step back, to leave the workforce and just fulfill the duties of a homebody fits. these women are finding the easiest way to be a cog, to fit.

everyday i see this around me in japan. it is hard to face and has given me motivation to embrace my own culture--my mohawk haircut and tattoos being my outward expression. these roles in japan, of housewife and career-go-getter, do not fit with how men and women are taught to seek their partners. the sweet doting women of japan are broken: either by not finding a husband who will actually care for them, or even want them; or by marrying only to have their husband go off to the local snack bar to find that something new and unattainable, as the wives plop into what it is to be a housewife. and this is not all the men's fault because japan also tells women to go for the gold. for some, i imagine, it is the comfortable that they desire, this is probably important for almost all, but more importantly is the look. just as for men's desires to be fulfilled, the look is very important for a woman's man. japan is about appearances. the coach bag, the quaffed boyfriend, they go hand in hand; and finding the quaffed boyfriend who wants a eventual frumpy housewife is hard. nothing lines up and i sit on the edges shaking with the desire to do SOMETHING to fix it. however i do not know all the facts. i do not know the solutions.

japan is on the cusp. i believe that japan will either work itself out, finding a way for women to be both career women and housewives, by their own choosing, and men having the choice to fit the mold or jump from it (maybe even being househusbands); or it will collapse in on itself and the current population crisis will take hold and japan will cease to exist, except as a tale we tell our children as we watch miyazaki's anime.