it has started.

i'm lost in my tool, on the bus back from kannabe, for the last time. my first impossible goodbye, leaving kate, who has been my confident, advisor, support, laughter and dearest friend this year. i can't even really think about it, but as i brush the surface i think of the first bus ride i took to visit a friend, way back before i had even started college, when she had just, to visit beth. to go and see her world, in walla walla, for just a few days...damnshit, that was so awesome. going to classes, parties, meeting friends, i wish i'd made a second trip--although i'm sure it was for the best. but why i go there, to that fond memory of days gone by now is that then i was saved by my cd player and lateralus as i did the 14hrs via greyhound, and here again i sit with my tool, signs and scenery being passed by. and being back here, in the present, i remember my first return from kannabe. i had my laptop, as i had used kate's internet in leu of my "taking for-fucking-ever to get" internet. i blogged as the bus driver drove, much like now. and i listened to new music with my giant ipod (the laptop). on that september weekend, we had had hot cakes and watched GG (gilmore girls), much like today. to know that this was the last, that kate will be gone in a week and a half... i don't know. an era is over and it hurts. this year has been frivolous and hard. confusing and a blast. as i sit in the middle of goodbyes, the last of them still over a month away, i've settled in my denial. although i won't deny the stifled tears from moments ago as i realized that my friendship with kate is over as it was.